My Child’s Little Secret

I am posting this with my child’s permission.  I am not saying who it is to protect their identity.

I am a Mother with a child with severe depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd).   It has gotten so bad that my child has tried to take their own life.   It has gotten so bad that this child, hears voices and sees strangers.

This child was conceived out of love, raised with love, and will continue to be loved.   I noticed an issue with this child, when they were in preschool.  I noticed that my child would get angry at their siblings.   I immediately put my baby in therapy.

After we moved to Atlanta, we had a rough horrible few months.   My mother-in-law who fought a good fight against breast cancer lost her battle.  My father in law went off the deep end (we continue not to have communication with him), and our beloved Scooter (Lab, Siberian Husky, Springer Spaniel, possible German Shepard) passed away with cancer.   This was in a short seven months.   Those life changers are hard for anyone, but someone with depression it is even more difficult.

I kept telling my child’s teachers something was off.  No one believed me.  They all stated “Diana, your child is absolutely a doll to have in class.  Your child does not exhibit any anger that you have described”.   I called the teacher’s crying numerous times begging them to tell me what happened at school and asking why is my child so angry when they come home.   The teachers could never give me an answer.

My child has tried to run away a few times.   We have called the police for help.   One officer gave my child a tough love lesson.  That got through to them.

My child drew a scary picture of what they saw.  I showed it to one their previous teacher’s, she was scared for all of us.

Then this past summer happened.

My child called one of their friend’s and threated to commit suicide.   This friend, thankfully shared this message with another trusted adult who unfortunately has had experience with it and came running over.  My husband and I were not home, we ran out to go to the Doctor with another child.

Then one Thursday, my baby tried to hang themself with a shoelace. I sent my beloved child to Peachford hospital in Dunwoody.  I will post about their experience another day.   But   they were there for the four longest days of my life.   My husband and I were a complete mess.  My other kids were lost without their beloved sibling.  And my baby, was scared out of their mind.  My baby was scared to be there, away from Mom and Dad, their siblings, and pets.  We were all scared of the unknown.   We still are.

When you bring a newborn baby home, you are scared to do anything to hurt the baby.   That is how my husband and I felt.   We had no clue, no guidance, nothing.

But we survived.   We adjusted.

Then there were rumblings of my child again hearing and seeing things.   That’s where we are today.   My child’s Doctor prescribed a new medication.  So we are hoping it works for them.

Why am I telling you this?   Mental Illness is a disease like diabetes (which I suffer from), cancer, asthma, etc.   There is NOTHING either my husband, my child, or myself did to inflict this disease on them.   One of family members stated when I told them that my baby was in the hospital, that I did this to my baby because I spent so much time on Facebook.  BULLSHIT!  My baby was born with a deficiency in their brain that caused this.  Medication and therapy are the only things that can help them be a productive member of society.  If you talked to my child today, you would be blown away by their brilliance. Charm, and maturity.    However, they suffer from depression.

I don’t want it to be a secret!  I am proud of my baby and what they have overcome.  And what this child will amount to.   I know he /she is meant for greatness.  But needs to overcome their depression.   Or better yet learn to live with it.

Depression should not be a hush hush disease.   I know so many people who are on anti-depressants.   And they are successful loving wonderful adults.

If you need to talk to me, please do not hesitate to email me.

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